Two job vacancies
Two job vacancies have arisen…
Job Vacancy: Minister in the auld Kirk.
Hours: 40-ish but maybe 60 or 70 or more.
Stipend: £30-£37k (guaranteed only until 2027 when the money runs out)
Accommodation: A super large house is provided for you, and you and your family must reside in it, even if it is extremely costly to heat (and contributing to climate change) and may be of poor standard and a huge garden to maintain and you don’t really need a house that size. If you own your own house then please sell this and come out of the housing market or try to rent this out and take your chances with tenants. If it was good enough for Noah, then it’s good enough for us!
Training: At least three years study required, if not more, and you and your family will be expected to make great sacrifices during this time and cut your cloth to suit. We have some hardship funds if you really need to apply. Be prepared for the hurdles.
Desired qualities: Be accepting of all conditions because you are in the Lord’s service.
Place of work: You will allocate a study space in your superhome and you will be required to heat this during the winter months as you see fit. Furry jackets, gloves and pompoms are not supplied. If you are ill and have to recover in your superhome during the winter, then probably best to stay in bed under the duvet.
Region of work: You will be called to a parish – God’s doing not ours – however said parish will probably be pretty big (technical term), covering areas where 5 or 6 Churches used to be, but don’t worry the thousands who live there are not interested in your Church anyway, you just have to be on call to do all the funerals requested. Please make sure that you fly the flag as the national Church covering the whole territory of Scotland because we are very proud of that, even though we are stretching you beyond what’s reasonable and what we can supply.
Volunteers: You will be surrounded by volunteers who are the backbone of the Church of Scotland, and you will continue to encourage them to do more and more even though they too are stretched to the limit. Form filling is one of our specialities.
Expectations: See the basic tasks of ministers from the 1990s and fulfil all you can. We know it’s over 30 years old, but we need time to make up a new one. Proposals will come to a future General Assembly. (Church speak for kick into long grass)
Holidays: You can have up to 7 Sundays off per year, but good luck in finding someone who will take your Sunday service and even gooder luck in finding someone who will do all the funerals whilst you are away. If you cannot find cover then continue to make yourself available.
Study Leave: You can have two weeks and £275 per year, but make sure you word your application correctly with the latest buzz words, report accordingly, make sure it is definitely study and not straying into spiritual stuff, find someone to monitor it for you, and try to do this in the quiet of your superhome because you cannot use any funds to retreat somewhere more appropriate. A committee will oversee and approve this, though you will be glad to hear that you do not have to account for the £37k we will eventually pay you.
Presbytery: Attend meetings, it is your duty, and enjoy the mountain of practice, procedure and tradition, it is who we are, and we can’t do anything about it. Smile and carry on and make funny jokes about it, it will get you through, good and faithful servant.
Applications accepted anytime.
Job Vacancy: Minister in the Church of Scotland.
Hours: 40 per week with two days off minimum.
Salary: £38-48k (in line with the teaching profession) (funded by employing ministers as we can afford)
Accommodation: A well maintained manse may be available for you if you choose to live there, however the congregation may rent or buy a house more suitable to your situation, or indeed you can live in your own home and be paid a housing allowance.
Training: Three years study in which you will be paid a percentage of minimum stipend: 60% in year 1, 70% in year 2, and 80% in year 3, whilst you work within a ministry team during your studies.
Desired qualities: Ready for the challenge facing the Church.
Place of work: Hybrid working from home or within the office at your Church.
Region of work: You will be called to a Church, discerning God’s way for you, and you and your people will serve the surrounding area as best you can.
Volunteers: You will be surrounded by volunteers who are the backbone of the Church of Scotland, and you will continue to encourage them. We believe in the ministry of all God’s people; you are ordained to Word and Sacrament, concentrate on this; and enable others to participate in pastoral care, worship, and mission.
Expectations: Definitely will be new proposals at the General Assembly 2024.
Holidays: You have 7 Sundays off per year which we encourage you to take to look after yourself. The Presbytery will have a list of people who are suitable for pulpit supply and funeral cover and will arrange this if you are unable to do so.
Study Leave: You can have two weeks and £275 per year. No forms to fill, simply let us know when you wish to take this with a rough outline of what you are doing, it can be kept for up to five years. Same cover arrangements as holidays.
Presbytery: Attend meetings, encourage one another, and find support and inspiration for you and your congregation to be more mission minded. We have a legal task force working round the clock at present to reduce the bureaucracy.
Applications accepted anytime but bear with us, we expect a rush!